Let's go on a mind trip...

That's how I feel about every day with this pregnancy. Don't get me wrong- I can not express how happy and how lucky I feel that I am pregnant. I can't not wait to meet this sweet little one. It's just a complete mind trip from someone who use to be overweight, then wasn't so much, and now you are suppose to gain weight and suppose to get bigger.

Has anyone else felt this way? My husband laughs at me daily when I get frustrated when something doesn't fit anymore. He lovingly reminds me that things aren't suppose to fit but somehow my mind won't wrap around that concept. It also doesn't help when I feel like I can eat more and more these days which then what it adds up to (in my mind) is not fitting in my clothes... not this growing baby.

And the scale... the dreaded scale. I've been really good about not getting on it at home but the OB appointments are the worse. It gives me a post-traumatic memory of my Weight Watchers days when you know you gained weight and then step on the scale to realize the horror of how much you gained. My doctor is a wonderful wonderful lady who keeps reminding me that I'm exactly where I should be. I just don't mentally get it. Maybe I never will?

Other than this frequent mind trap I'm in about weight, pregnancy is going wonderfully. Baby is growing and is healthy. I have no real pregnancy complaints other than normal aches and pains on some days. The biggest issue I deal with daily (other than my "fat mind trip") is my anxiety. I'm a pre-pregnancy anxiety medication taker so being off everything cold turkey sometimes is more hard than others can imagine. It has definitely made me regress to using my anxiety coping techniques but sometimes a good cry is the only thing that works. There is so much to worry about as a First Time mom. I can't imagine not having the support that I do from my husband, family, and friends. It's good to know that they are always these to listen to my ramblings :)

I thought I would end things with an updated bump picture. The first in the trio is me about 7 weeks along. Then 17 weeks. And last week... week 24 :)

Until next time!! Happy Memorial Day!!

Why, hello!

You know you haven't blogged in awhile when you have to re-read your last post you wrote from SEPTEMBER to see what you actually said. So much has completely changed since that point.

Revision surgery made life so much easier. I was happily no longer popping pain pills to control the ulcer pain and I've been ulcer free since surgery. I did experience a slight weight loss (lowest about 176) but I also relearned how to eat without getting sick so I really fluctuated at 179-180.

Now that the pain was gone and I had lost the majority of the weight it was time to really focus on one of my main goals for the RNY and the journey to a healthier/more fit life to begin... having a baby.   We had started to try to conceive in January 2013 but with the ulcer pain then ultimate revision surgery things weren't happening like we thought and hoped they would. I had no idea the science and pure madness it can create trying to conceive. It didn't help with everyone saying "You've lost so much weight, you are going to get pregnant on your first try!" After awhile, I became more and more discouraged and then our OB/GYN spelled it out for us... we need fertility doctor help.

What a blow to the self-esteem. I had done so much work getting my body ready for the miracle of pregnancy and life that it all just seemed so wasted. The very act of even TRYING to get pregnant was destroyed between by husband and I. We felt so much pressure to make even baby making session "count" and be "the one" that I believe we forgot what it was like to just enjoy each other. So when our doctor told us in November that fertility doctors was our next best step we both took a couple of days to decide we needed a break from the stress of fertility woes and decided after the holidays we would make our appointments and re-begin the journey.

Needless to say... we didn't get that far :) I am so very blessed and happy to report that I am currently 19 weeks pregnant! We are due in September and it is by far the greatest feeling and experience I have ever had. No fertility doctor or meds, just prayer and faith got us our beautiful little peanut that is happily moving around as I type.

It was definitely a much different 3 year RNY anniversary this year to say the least... March 17, 2014 marked the big 3 year date for me and I didn't celebrate it by getting on the scale to see my weigh loss for the first time. We celebrated by baby shopping :)

I hope to be able to update much more about pregnancy and how my WLS life will be combined. When I first found out I searched the internet hoping to find a blog to meet my needs about that and couldn't. So... here you go. I'll just start my own :)

So instead of my normal happy scale pictures or skinnier side shots of my body I'll leave you with my growing bump...

Baby at 10 weeks

Bump comparison from about 8 weeks to 17 weeks :)

Happy Easter, friends!!

My Thoughts on Ulcers...

When you've had 15+ endoscopies in 2 years after RNY I would say that I can self-admit to having an ulcer problem. I go through check lists in my head time after time about why this is happening and I don't get answers. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I'm allergic to Iburofen... Those are the main targets of ulcers according to my doctor. I was guilty of a Diet Pepsi every once in awhile or even a margarita 1-2x a year. I admit that but I have nothing to explain why 2 PPIs (Dexilant for me) a day at the highest strength and Carafate 3x a day shouldn't take care of ulcers.

They've tested me for the diseases associated with ulcers. Nope. They've gone to great lengths to try to figure out why the ulcers kept recurring and they come up blank. Have you, friends, had this problem? Any luck finding out why?

I can say now, a week past my revision/ulcer removal surgery, I'm feeling much better. The daily pain is gone and now I just have surgery discomfort pain. Revision surgery was MUCH worse than the original surgery (still not as bad as my septic gall bladder disaster a few months after the RNY) but still much worse than RNY recovery itself. The problem is that I have felt so bad for so long that this surgery discomfort gives me a fake sense that I can do everything. Then I end up overdoing it and being in actual pain and it wipes me out. Also, I felt like I was much worse in the hospital with pain than the RNY. I actually had to stay in the hospital longer too.

So what does it look like from here on out for me? Luckily I narrowly avoided a gtube this surgery and although my doctor has threatened TPN before I think I will avoid that as well. Right now my plan is to stick with my diet restrictions (I'm on a full liquid/mush diet right now) and start reworking real food maybe in another week. I see my doctor on the 24th and I hope to see the dietician as well. That might help me gauge when I can reintroduce real food. I'm in no hurry though. I want to heal and be 100% healthy. I also promise myself not to drink soda. It's not worth it- even if it was only 1-2 drinks once in a while. It's like that ex-boyfriend that you still want to Facebook stalk/text... he's so not worth it if it is only going to hurt me in the long run :)

One thing this has done is jump kick my weight loss so I thought I would update you with a scale photo and one of me recovering with my "nurse" Gizmo. :)

That's a 152.4 pound difference since the morning of surgery 2 1/2 years ago :)

Again, I hope to have my normal update pictures at some point now that I have made the commitment to be back in the blogging world but jeans aren't coming near my belly yet. Soon friends, soon :)

So much has changed... and yet... it hasn't...

I've been a bad blogger friend. I'm completely left you all in the dark in my progress and journey for quite some time. I really hope I can jump back into this and make this blog something great for me as an outlet and for information sharing to all my WLS friends.

I guess we should talk plastics first- I love my new arms. There is a place that he has to restitch because the scar went crazy on us but it didn't stop my new arms from enjoying- tank tops, tube tops, short sleeves, you name it- this summer! Here's a photo with a tank top on with my husband from our annual vacation to Florida.

The only times my scars bother me is the place that needs fixing and when I know they are major-time showing... but then I just remind myself that I could be NOT wearing a cute top and be wearing some hot long sleeved top in the middle of summer and then I get over it. :) If I feel up to it (you will understand if you continue reading), I will post some new photos for anyone interested to see post-6 month brachioplasty scars.

So, now to the meat of the post- what has happened over the past 6 months. Weight- stayed the same. I balanced between 182-180 for the past 6 months. I know all the things I can do to recharge my weight loss but I've been really good about where I am. It would also help if I lost some extra skin in the belly area but you already know that won't be happening for some time.

One thing that did emerge in January was a constant belly pain. It was a sharp, sometimes excruciating, pain in my left abdominal section. We did an endoscopy with my RNY doctor in January which showed ulcers. Gave meds. Rescoped in February- gone. She sent me to a GI specialist to look at possibly colon issues (sometimes pain and bathroom issued correlated) because pain was still there even though ulcers were gone. Specialist #1 did an upper scope and colonoscopy in April- showed ulcers again in pouch area (where my pouch meets the roux limb) and nothing in the colon. Another scope by specialist #1 in May showed ulcers again. They raised my Dexilant to 2 times a day. Throughout the time of scopes I am having major pain. Daily pain which was controlled by pain pills and then pain where I am rushed to the ER to help monitor the pain by IV meds. Then brings us to August. The pain sends me to the ER, ER runs a CT scan, and they show fluid in my absent stomach. They have no idea why it's like that. I get sent to the RNY doctor the following day and I get sent by my RNY doc to another GI specialist (#2) to talk about a double balloon endoscopy to determine where this fluid is coming from. From what the GI specialist says- the double balloon surgery is risky- too risky- for where I am as a RNY patient. So... back to the drawing board with my RNY doctor who decides we need to do surgery.
So on Monday this week I had a revision to my RNY- they removed the bottom half of my pouch where the ulcers were and recreated it, took out part of the roux limb that had ulcers, and biopsied my stomach. Luckily whatever fluid was once there is gone now which saved me from having a gtube. The hospital stay took me back 2 1/2 years ago when I had my RNY except the pain was much worse than what I remembered. I stayed in the hospital for 2 nights and got to go home on the 3rd day which brings me to wanting to update. Basically I'm back to square one which a full liquid diet and protein shakes.
Isn't this where we all want to be though? Back at the glory days of losing weight and going back to full liquids? I can't count the times I read on boards (both OH and Facebook) where we are all asking about the 5 day pouch test, how to lose the last 20 pounds, etc. While this wasn't my ultimate goal I'm glad I'm hitting back to the basics because I believe the basics are going to give me my best chance at a pain free life. I didn't do anything to cause the ulcers or the pain, I know that, but I also probably wasn't helpful to healing them. So it's back to the grind of protein shakes and full liquids for at least a week. It's amazing how hard getting 2 oz. of oatmeal down right now can be.
I hope to update you all with some new before/during pictures. It's been a minute. I can't even believe I didn't blog a 2 year post!
I'm back RNY'ers, WLS'ers, and friends :)

HELLLLOOOO SKINNY ARMS!

Hello friends!

Well, I've gone and done it. I had my brachioplasty about 1 1/2 weeks ago. Day of surgery everything went well. I had no problems in surgery, woke up fine, and pain was pretty tolerable... at first. It never got "kill me" bad... but it got bad at times. One of the worst pains was when the swelling became extreme. I've definitely have been able to compile my "do and don't" list for my WLS friends out there that are thinking of this surgery...

DO

• Keep ice on hand. I used ice almost every night for a couple of hours to help the swelling go down.
• STAY ON TOP OF YOUR PAIN MEDS!! I took 1 Norco every 3 hours 24/7 for the first 3 days. There were times I had to bump up to two the first day or so but I truly believe my pain would have been so much worse if I didn't keep on schedule with the pain meds. HOWEVER, I am a sissy.... and do not tolerate pain well. It could just be me :)
• Wear your compression garments/ace bandages and often as you can tolerate them. I wore mine during the day and let my arms "air out" at night.
• Keep your arms elevated. I carried (and still do at times) a pillow around with me so I could keep my arms "higher than my heart" to help the swelling.
• Invest in a good sports bra or the "ahh bra". A normal bra won't work. It is painful. Believe me. I tried many times :( 

DON'T

• Try to go back to work as quick as I did. I had surgery on Monday and went back to work on Thursday. BAAAAAAD idea. That first day I was miserable. I would take about 5 days off for this procedure- not necessarily because of the pain but because of the swelling.
• Try to do everything you would normally do- we had a super busy weekend after surgery and I ended up making myself swell to a point where I thought I may have needed to go to the hospital because my arms were so swollen. I kept myself way to busy and didn't rest enough or elevate enough. 

That's all off the top of my head... now for the exciting part! Pictures! Keep in mind I am still very much swollen (these were taken after work the other day). Also, ignore the sports bra (see above) and the disheveled appearance. Using hair styling products and doing anything more than bushing my hair has seemed daunting these days :)

WOO HOO!

Yeah, I'm pretty excited. I can't wait to see what they continue to look like as they heal. I did go out and buy a blazer today for work/going out activities. It was super excited to fit into shirts without going up into larger sizes. :) I'm so very glad I went ahead with plastics!! It was worth all the pain and money! Here's my new blazer below... 

Well, I'm off to my post-op appointment with my doctor. Wish me luck!

Jessica

'Twas the night before PLASTIC surgery :) :) :)

I know, way to update you all on everything right?

After my last post I spent a lot of time talking to my husband, friends, family, doctors and decided I needed to hold off on the tummy tuck. It was time for me to think about what my #1 was which is definitely the arms. I do not have much of a tummy- it was really more of a cosmetic need than an actual need. My arms is an actual need. It affects me every day- buying bigger shirts to fit my arms, stretching out shirts I have to fit my arms, NEVER wearing short sleeves- much less tank tops, etc.

So... here it goes. Tomorrow is the day for my brachioplasty. I'm so nervous! I can't believe the day is here and I can't wait for 3-4 weeks from now when I can really look back and enjoy what I'm doing to myself tomorrow. I'm worried about the pain but I'm determined to stay "in front" of my pain with pain medications and relaxation. Have any of you friends had this surgery? Any tips?

And, because I promised myself this would be a full disclosure blog from the beginning... Here are the before pictures. Is it horrible that I am more embarrassed to show these than my first photos before surgery? (Ignore the hair and lack of makeup... it's been a long day!)

Wow... I can't wait to see the afters!

Good night friends! Send good thoughts my way for tomorrow!!

Plastic Surgery TIme?

If you are on the Facebook WLS page you know that I recently went to get my plastic consult this past week. If you are as far out as I am it is a very interesting process.

I went ahead and decided to do a consult who did an awesome job on a tummy tuck of someone I know. I couldn't have asked for a better consult. The doctor (Dr. Christopher Jones for my Indy friends) spent over an hour with me and my husband explaining the ups and downs to the procedures I was interested in. Overall, he made me feel not only excited but ready to take on this next adventure. 

I decided on a brachiolasty (arm lift) and a tummy tuck. I spent a lot of time talking to my doctor about a tummy tuck vs. a panniculectomy. I do not have much tummy skin to get rid of. I've been blessed in that area so I originally thought that the panniculectomy would be my best option. However, Dr. Jones really walked me through about what I wanted and it turns out the tummy tuck will be the best option for me. 

Then came the price. $12,000 for both surgeries. I knew it was going to be a lot. I don't know why I got my hopes up so high. My husband and I have been talking about going to Mexico this January and I started having dreams of what those photos might look like with no arm hang or belly hang. And I just got my hopes up. I don't have $12,000- I actually don't have anything close to that price. 

How do you deal with disappointment? I will tell you- my first instinct was to come home and eat. Eating is how I made myself forget about the disappointment before surgery. I would be able to eat so much, talk a nap, and then a week later when I didn't fit into clothes it made me forget about the original disappointment. But, that's not me anymore and I'm having a really hard time facing this disappointment. 

Where do we go from here? I'm looking into several financing options but let me tell you--- it's hard to give someone $12,000 for a medical loan. I'm running into walls right now hoping that some nice company will lend me the money. Until then? I've decided I'm going to work out this disappointment in the gym, in the kitchen when I am cooking foods that are good and healthy for my body, and keeping those Mexico pictures in the back of my mind when I think about going back to the way I use to handle disappointment. 

I will keep you all updated.... cross your fingers for me!

Long Long Ago....

Long, Long ago I had a blog... and I was a faithful blogger. And then I came back to the world of blogging and kept promising to blog more. Life has just been way to busy folks- but now I'm back.

At this point in my WLS journey I am 19 months out and I feel like I'm still learning how my new body reacts. Don't get me wrong... It's much better than it was even a year ago. I have learned that my body is definitely going through phases still. There will be weeks that I can't stop eating. Luckily I am eating what I should be eating but I know my quantity intake is way too high. Other weeks I don't get anything in but maybe a protein shake in the morning because my pouch feels "too small" to fit anything else in it. Weird, I know.

Then there is the whole weight loss issue. I can least show you a pretty exciting update on the weight loss since the last time I posted but let's be real... it's coming off WAY slow now.  There are weeks at a time where I can't move the scale more than 2 pounds without another couple of week stall. Then just like everything that this WLS features another week I will lose 5 pounds with nothing else changing. It's a roller coaster that don't get me wrong... I'm glad to be on!

So here it is.... the update (no body pictures this time folks- I don't have any photo help right now....) and PLEASE ignore the need for my much needed pedicure!

So that is a total of 143 pounds lost since the morning of my surgery! 

(And let's be honest... there was the purge the few days before surgery 

so I'm definitely counting this as 150+ pounds lost!!)

So what am I doing? Eating good- letting myself have things off the no-no naughty list 1x a month (like 1 piece of low fat pizza), staying away from sugars (because I still dump like crazy), eating protein before anything else, and loving veggies. I work out 3-4 times a week but have recently tried upping it to 5 days a week. 3 cardio days where I run and 2 other days where I do some "Weight Loss Yoga" (It's a Biggest Loser DVD. It's awesome) I am actually trying to find a rec center that offers Yoga classes so I can move past the DVD I've had for almost 2 years :)

My biggest issue right now? Fitting in. Not with friends or family (again, who most don't know) but with   clothing stores. I've graduated from Lane Bryant and company store like this... I went to old Navy and the jeans just aren't working for me. My co-workers will call me "poopy drawers" because of how bad the jeans sag in my butt area. No more junk-in-the-trunk for me. Has anyone out there found luck in pants? I know I just need to do some trial and error. Go to stores, try on, and move on if it doesn't work. I feel like I'm just such a bad judge of what looks good anymore! Suggestions WLSers?

Much love and more posts... I promise :)

Jessica

First 5k ever :)

I'm so excited to share this with y'all!

I officially completed my first 5k! It's hard to think the word "completed" gives my victory any justice... I officially kicked my first 5k's butt!! :)

It was called the "Dirty Girl 5K" here in Indy which benefitted breast cancer. Not only was it 5k of running cross-country style... it included about 10 obstacle courses you had to manage as well. It went from climbing wall to many mud pits to a cargo net and more. I was up almost all night the evening before with worries about letting my teammates down (who were all much more in shape and skinnier than me) and having to go around and not complete much of the race. "Let's face it", I kept telling myself, "there is no way you are getting over the cargo net."

The morning of the race I couldn't stop using the bathroom as my nerves got the best of me. I kept thinking of ways I could not go. I have spent so many of my last pre-op years being an embarrassment to myself and that old feeling was sinking in again... I am going to humiliate myself. When the M/C announced that our heat was up and started counting down I really thought I could vomit.

And then we were off. It was the hardest thing I have yet to do in my whole life. And you know what? I finished with my team... I completed EVERY obstacle course they had... I ran about 3/4 of the whole race. I have never had such a sense of achievement or accomplishment. Even to this very moment I can't believe what I was able to do. And boy were we dirty!!

We have vowed to one another that this was not our first and last race together... we will conquer another soon! I'm so proud to be apart of a team with amazing ladies who never leave a team member behind!

A little pick me up..

If you are like me... the scale is a stressful event. I weigh myself daily (even though I know I shouldn't) and half the time it's depressing... not 331 pounds depressing... but when I hit a stall, I hit a freaking stall. The day I get below 200 will be the best day in my post-op life!

So I have to constantly remind myself how great the little victories are. And I had a BIG  one yesterday I wanted to share with y'all!

Yesterday was the mother daughter dance for my little one's girl scout troop. The theme of the night? "Divas and Diamonds" which if you know my little one is fitting :) So we both got all dolled up with our hair and makeup and put on our dresses for the night. By the time we were both set to go, we were 15 minutes away from being late to our dinner reservations for her troop. So knowing we were 10 minutes away we jumped in the car, I had an itch on my thigh, and... RIIIIPPPPP! There goes the biggest run in my tights.

Now the panic sets in. Pre-Op, there is no way I could have fixed this situation. It would have taken more than a 1 stop store to find pantyhose or leggings that would have fit me. It more than likely would have been a trip to the nearest Lane Bryant 30 minutes away at the local mall. I didn't have time for that.

DREADING EVERY MINUTE we drove to Meijer (like a Wal-Mart) to scour the aisles. At this point I've given up on making the reservations. We walk past the non-plus size section and I see some leggings that are ridiculously on sale. Only Large and Small available... I'm bummed. That would have made for a quick entrance and exit and possibly making everything work but there is no way I'm a normal large in the regular section... but I took the leap of faith. And you know what? THE DARN THINGS FIT! I could have cried. There is no way pre-op that this event could have happened and could have possibly ruined the night for me. I love my RNY!... and my special date :)

Has it really been a year?!

The night of March 16th this year was more emotional for me than I thought it would be. I found myself remembering the nerves, the anxiety, and the excitement that built up for my life changing moment the following morning. I remember crying when I laid on the surgery table and they were getting ready to put me under.... Truth be told- I actually told them to "call it off" and I wasn't going through with it. Luckily for me, they knew it was my nerves talking and I was quickly asleep.

The road hasn't been easy. I would be lying if I told you that there weren't times I didn't regret my decision. I have been sick... my silly gall bladder in August, being scoped and ulcers only 6 weeks out. There are also times of complete brain games... having a huge stall, not loosing weight as fast as you would like to, the skin, the total change of self-image issues in your head...

but it is all worth it.

I wouldn't trade it. I love who I am becoming. I love the gift of health and future I gave myself. I love that I can go into a normal store and buy a normal size of jeans. I love that I don't have to worry about fitting into a seat, a booth, a ride at an amusement park. I love that I can run, I can play with my family at the park. I love that when my husband and I decide to have children that my chances of conceiving and having a health and happy pregnancy is so much better. I love that I am living my life.

So, in 1 year....

That's a total of 114.8 pounds since the morning of surgery 1 year ago :)

And now... the comparisons! 

It's not where I want to be yet... but I'm getting there. I've hit a few patches of slow weight loss but I know what I need to do... just continue on! Much love folks!

Just keep running, running, running....

My own little Dori tune! (That's from Finding Nemo for my childless friends)

I have become obsessed with running. I'm not very good at it yet and I can by no means go to any great speed or lengths... but I love it. I love the way I feel on the treadmill, I love the way I feel when I come home. I love it. I hope I'm not just in the honeymoon stage... It's only been a little while of starting to run and lift weights.

It's definitely easier running/working out/lifting weights now than it was +100 pounds ago. I can't believe how my workouts have changed from "oh my god, I am going to die!" to "Wow, that was a really good workout!" :) Happiness!

Keep your fingers crossed that this period, honeymoon, or whatever lasts me some time!!

9 Month Update! :) :) :) :)

Alright, this feels good getting back into the blogging world!

This last month has gone much smoother than the last couple... I'm finally starting to feel better (physically) and not vomiting/diarrhea-ing everything I eat. I really start to buckle down and make sure I was getting in all my vitamins.. no matter what. And that has helped a tremendous amount!

I've also had some pretty awesome NSVs this month... putting on my first size 18 and actually FITTING in them, actually being apart of family photos instead of just the person taking them, shopping at more and more "normal" stores, and the list goes on.

So here we go...

That's a total of 97 pounds in 9 months, folks!

AND... if you want a little secret into my 10 month post... I've hit over 100 now as of this morning (about a week after the above photo) and it feels oh so wonderful/good/great/and any other word that would fit here :) And then the before and durings... I don't think I have to even ask if you can see a difference or not :) 

Yeah... pretty amazing. I don't even recognize the person to the left.

2012 is right around the corner and I can't wait to see what is around the corner... Much Love, Friends!

Neglectful...

Wow, I can't believe I've been so neglectful to this blog. I promised myself I would never be that person... the one who is so "in touch" with the support group prior to surgery and then slowly phase out my involvement. And yet it has happened. I completely left out month 8 updates... barely did month 7... and now I'm almost to my 9 month mark. I promise to give you something for that month. And I promise  to update more.

One big thing that has happened lately is that I finally made an appointment to do family photos. I won't even hang up my wedding photos because I was so embarrassed of how big I got. Let's just show a photo so we all know what I'm talking about...

I will redo my wedding photos one day. Another big promise I have made to myself when I started this journey.

Now? It's not perfect, I still have a lot more to loose... but I couldn't be happier with where I am in our "first" family photos that will grace our Christmas cards, my office desk, and the walls of our home :)

Back to Christmas activities on this cold December morning...

Month 7 update!

Don't be fooled... The exclamation mark would leave some of you to think that it's been a good month when in reality I'm just now hopefully ending the stall. So the scale didn't move this month and I'm still a couple of pounds shy of hitting the big 100 pounds lost.

So in honor of my 7 month coming short of my 100 pound goal I decided to come up with a list of 7 things that I'm thankful I can do now that I couldn't do 91-93ish (stupid stall) pounds ago.
1. Cross my legs and sit comfortably
2. Fit in a booth at a restaurant
3. Tie my shoes (and not have bows that are off to the side)
4. Be IN pictures and not just taking them
5. Not have to wear the same pair of jeans multiple times in a row before they get comfortable
6. Get dressed up for Halloween with my friends
7. Wear heels with little discomfort (still working on the walking in them part....)

Alright, here you go. Scale:

That's a 90.2 pound weight loss in 7 months!

Not where I wanted to be... but I'll kick this stall... I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!

So.... I still have not taken by before and during photos for this month... and then when I was about to tonight I realized that I will be taking my 8 month photos next week... so... I'm not going to. I know, I know... I promised monthly. I just have been so busy! But just think of how GREAT my 8 month photos will be... right? RIGHT?! :)

6 Month Update.... Boo!

I'm so sad that this update isn't happier. The hardest and yet most exciting 6 months of my life has gone by and yet I'm dreading this post. I've hit a huge stall and the scale has became my dreaded enemy. I hate my pictures this month, I hate my scale this month, I hate everything. But... I've put it off as long as possible. Here is goes:

Yeah... not good. A 6 month weight loss of 86.8 pounds. 

Sigh... so here we go... the before and durings:

Next month will be better? Right? :(

Skinny Jeans and other NSVs...

So for my non-WLS'ers NSV is "non-scale victories"... other ways we get to measure the success of our decision to have surgery.... one of mine? Buying skinny jeans!

I can't remember the last time I've been able to go into a normal store and get jeans. Most of my clothing and jeans had to be bought at "the fat girl store" (AKA. Lane Bryant). I dreamed of the day I could go into an Old Navy, pick out a pain of in style and cute jeans, put them on, and walk out.

My day has arrived!!!!!

I'm definitely not the size  I want to end up at... and it was hard to find the largest size they had there. But they did. I almost tried them on as a joke. And you know what? They didn't look that bad! And better yet? They fit! I don't know if I'm ready to wear them out to places where people I know will be out... but I wore them last night for the first time. And it felt really really good :) NSV #1

Another NSV was a really awesome trip to Brown County, a good local spot here in Indiana known for it's outdoors-ness, hiking, horse back riding, etc. Not a place I would choose in the middle of summer to spend my day. But we did and I felt awesome. I actually got on the horse... didn't stand by to just take pictures. I'm loving what my new body allows me to do. NSV #2


In not-so-good news... I'm not looking forward to this upcoming weigh in and picture taking. I have finally hit a stall, my friends, and I'm stuck. I have been tremendously lucky to not hit a stall up to this point (and if I thought I have it was a couple of days stall) but this has been going on for almost 3 weeks now. My body has been through a lot so I'm hoping that it's just coping and healing. We will see.

Until then...

Month 5 Update!

I can't believe another month has past... and what a month it has been. It was literally a roller coaster ride this month of feeling great and absolutely horrible.

Basically, everything went to hell about 1/2 way through this month. There was no warning whatsoever but I ended up going into the hospital twice and then had to have emergency surgery. Oh yes, you read that right. It was just as big of a shock to me. Let me explain:

So remember all the tests they ran on me prior to surgery? (Think:pre-op requirements) They check everything: heart, lungs, blood, urine, gall bladder, etc. Everything obviously came back fine since I was cleared for surgery. I specifically remember my surgeon telling me how she was surprised that my gall bladder looked so healthy for being as heavy as I was... Well, it didn't like the changes I have made to say the least because it caused me hell this month. I came home from the pool after relaxing and swimming all day to start feeling really ill. I ended up in so much pain my husband took me to our local ER who stated after a CT scan that my gall bladder looked "a little inflamed" and they suggested calling my RNY surgeon. So, I did. They scheduled a scan for Friday that week. In the meantime I was suppose to keep a bland diet and go back to the ER if they pain increased.

By Tuesday night I was vomiting because the pain was so severe. I made my husband take me back to the same local ER who ran blood tests. Turns out I was in a fatal levels of liver enzymes and needed emergency surgery to see what was blocking my liver. They transferred me to the hospital I had my RNY at (it's a much bigger and more equipped hospital) and I was on a morphine pump all night while they ran a battery of tests to determine the problem. After a night of tests I was scheduled for surgery the following morning. The diagnoses? A gall stone was blocking the duct to my liver (causing the high enzyme levels) and my gall bladder was grotesquely diseased and infected. My surgeon told my family that she has never seen such an infected gall bladder. She was shocked at how quickly it went bad too. Her only explanation was that my gall bladder "didn't get with the program" when I changed my diet and continued to act as if I was eating all the fat/oils that I use to. It basically overworked itself to death. So after a few more days in the hospital to give my body proper antibiotics and heal I headed back home.

Recovery after this surgery was almost worse than the RNY recovery. *TMI WARNING* Not having a gall bladder is poopy- literally and figuratively. I haven't had a normal bowel movement since surgery. I am having to relearn foods again because now without a gall bladder I'm even more sensitive to oils in foods- natural or not. Luckily I am still very strict about my diet so it hasn't been too big of an adjustment.

One great thing about being so sick is the lack of appetite which means a help in the weight loss department! So without further ado.... my month 5 pictures!!

Oh yeah! That's a total of 82.4 pounds since March 17, 2011!!!!

And now the comparisons.... It's silly to say since it's only been 5 months but I don't even remember that girl in the left anymore :) And that's a good feeling!

Can you tell a difference? I'm happy to say that I can. 

Goals for this month? 

1) Work out more... I was doing so well and then with surgery, recovery, and now waiting for my surgeon appointment so she can clear me I have slacked.

2) Blog more! I love being apart of the WLS community and hope I can keep everyone in the loop more often! 

Love you all :)

Happy Birthday to Less of ME!!!!!

 Happy Birthday... to Less of Me!!

I found it horrifically sad that I couldn't find a picture of me last year to put up a comparison... but I guess that was normal in my old self. I wouldn't dare let myself be in front of the camera- and if I did- I was ultra depressed with the results. Now, I love to look at pictures and think... "wow, is my face really shrinking?!" or "wow, I'm glad I have pictures of me and _____". It's a nice change.

DO NOT WORRY FELLOW WLSers.... the cake was for the pose. I am definitely not eating/attempting/wishing/hoping/tempting any cake. At this point it is hard to keep some fruits down because of the natural sugars and I definitely don't want to upset my pouch over processed sugar crap. 

It's hard to imagine what next years pictures will look like... but I am ready and excited to see them. The more weight I lose the more motivated I am to make changes to my life as a whole. This week? It was bringing less processed, more lean lunches to work. And I felt so much better. Lean chicken, lean fish, fresh veggies and fruit... yum! It makes the thought of eating the bad crap not a thought at all. 

Now if only I could break this stall!! I've been in the 260s FOREVER it feels. Cross your fingers for me that this week we see some pounds shed or I may go crazy. I have been pretty lucky to not have stalls last too long. On OH I read about people who stall for weeks at a time- thank god I'm not there yet. A 5-6 day stall is enough to drive me crazy! 

Until next time friends :).........

Month 4 Updates!

Here we go... a quarter done of my new life! What a journey it continues to be. We just got back from an amazing vacation so it is a nice way to wrap up the summer. Some things that made vacation awesome compared to last year?
1) I sat indian style... on the beach... without it being uncomfortable!
2) I felt way better in my swimsuit than last year
3) The summer is hot (Indiana is in the middle of a heat wave as we speak) and I wasn't 1/2 as uncomfortable as I was last year
4) Swimsuit buying wasn't so bad (see my previous post about that)
5) I was actually in family photos this year!


As the months crawl by I get more and more happy about the decision I made in March to have this surgery. I had my 4 month check up with my doctor and she was happy with my progress. She did switch me to a new antacid medication that she hopes will help my nausea as I am still taking anti-nausea medication daily. We will see. I also switched to B-12 injections instead of the sublingual. I don't know why but those seem to work better for me. 


Without further ado... Weight loss for Month 4?

261 pounds even! That's a total of 70 pounds lost since March 17, 2011!!!

And now the me today versus the old me:

I feel definitely feel like I look more "put together" this month. I think I need to go down a size in my jeans though... I'll try for month 5 and hopefully the effect will be more noticeable!