Let's go on a mind trip...

That's how I feel about every day with this pregnancy. Don't get me wrong- I can not express how happy and how lucky I feel that I am pregnant. I can't not wait to meet this sweet little one. It's just a complete mind trip from someone who use to be overweight, then wasn't so much, and now you are suppose to gain weight and suppose to get bigger.

Has anyone else felt this way? My husband laughs at me daily when I get frustrated when something doesn't fit anymore. He lovingly reminds me that things aren't suppose to fit but somehow my mind won't wrap around that concept. It also doesn't help when I feel like I can eat more and more these days which then what it adds up to (in my mind) is not fitting in my clothes... not this growing baby.

And the scale... the dreaded scale. I've been really good about not getting on it at home but the OB appointments are the worse. It gives me a post-traumatic memory of my Weight Watchers days when you know you gained weight and then step on the scale to realize the horror of how much you gained. My doctor is a wonderful wonderful lady who keeps reminding me that I'm exactly where I should be. I just don't mentally get it. Maybe I never will?

Other than this frequent mind trap I'm in about weight, pregnancy is going wonderfully. Baby is growing and is healthy. I have no real pregnancy complaints other than normal aches and pains on some days. The biggest issue I deal with daily (other than my "fat mind trip") is my anxiety. I'm a pre-pregnancy anxiety medication taker so being off everything cold turkey sometimes is more hard than others can imagine. It has definitely made me regress to using my anxiety coping techniques but sometimes a good cry is the only thing that works. There is so much to worry about as a First Time mom. I can't imagine not having the support that I do from my husband, family, and friends. It's good to know that they are always these to listen to my ramblings :)

I thought I would end things with an updated bump picture. The first in the trio is me about 7 weeks along. Then 17 weeks. And last week... week 24 :)

Until next time!! Happy Memorial Day!!

Why, hello!

You know you haven't blogged in awhile when you have to re-read your last post you wrote from SEPTEMBER to see what you actually said. So much has completely changed since that point.

Revision surgery made life so much easier. I was happily no longer popping pain pills to control the ulcer pain and I've been ulcer free since surgery. I did experience a slight weight loss (lowest about 176) but I also relearned how to eat without getting sick so I really fluctuated at 179-180.

Now that the pain was gone and I had lost the majority of the weight it was time to really focus on one of my main goals for the RNY and the journey to a healthier/more fit life to begin... having a baby.   We had started to try to conceive in January 2013 but with the ulcer pain then ultimate revision surgery things weren't happening like we thought and hoped they would. I had no idea the science and pure madness it can create trying to conceive. It didn't help with everyone saying "You've lost so much weight, you are going to get pregnant on your first try!" After awhile, I became more and more discouraged and then our OB/GYN spelled it out for us... we need fertility doctor help.

What a blow to the self-esteem. I had done so much work getting my body ready for the miracle of pregnancy and life that it all just seemed so wasted. The very act of even TRYING to get pregnant was destroyed between by husband and I. We felt so much pressure to make even baby making session "count" and be "the one" that I believe we forgot what it was like to just enjoy each other. So when our doctor told us in November that fertility doctors was our next best step we both took a couple of days to decide we needed a break from the stress of fertility woes and decided after the holidays we would make our appointments and re-begin the journey.

Needless to say... we didn't get that far :) I am so very blessed and happy to report that I am currently 19 weeks pregnant! We are due in September and it is by far the greatest feeling and experience I have ever had. No fertility doctor or meds, just prayer and faith got us our beautiful little peanut that is happily moving around as I type.

It was definitely a much different 3 year RNY anniversary this year to say the least... March 17, 2014 marked the big 3 year date for me and I didn't celebrate it by getting on the scale to see my weigh loss for the first time. We celebrated by baby shopping :)

I hope to be able to update much more about pregnancy and how my WLS life will be combined. When I first found out I searched the internet hoping to find a blog to meet my needs about that and couldn't. So... here you go. I'll just start my own :)

So instead of my normal happy scale pictures or skinnier side shots of my body I'll leave you with my growing bump...

Baby at 10 weeks

Bump comparison from about 8 weeks to 17 weeks :)

Happy Easter, friends!!